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Identity: Conkers.

History: Introduced to the UK 409 years ago.

Look: The outdoor world's Labubu.

No, I don’t think that’s right. Absolutely. Check out a TikTok video of someone revealing a conker, and you’ll almost certainly hear them refer to it as “the earth's Labubu”.

Opening up horse chestnuts? What on earth are you talking about? Oh wow, you are definitely not up to date, aren’t you? Young people are taking to TikTok to film themselves unpeeling conkers from their spiky capsules.

But why? Because of the feeling of amazement! When you open up a conker, you can't predict what you’re going to get. Will it be big? Might it be flattened? What will its shine level be? It is like a mystery box every time!

Do Labubu dolls share those traits? No, they’re vaguely hellish-looking dolls that have become collectible because they are sold in mystery boxes.

Would someone inform gen Z that they are doing conkers wrong? Is that so? How do you play with horse chestnuts, then?

You put a shoelace through the middle of them, and try to break others' nuts. Wow, really? That’s bizarre.

Yes. You’ll have a much better chance of winning if you soak the conker in vinegar overnight and then heat it in the oven. Seriously?

Truly. And if you end up collecting too many conkers, you can toss them in the schoolyard and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A lovely item from nature like a conker, and you use it as a tool for battle? A weapon that comes with a lengthy list of complex and confusing guidelines?

It’s traditional! King Charles literally just presented the global conker competition with a gift of 300 conkers! At least gen Z is only filming them.

How are you unaware of this? At a guess, because certain schools prohibited the game two decades ago, due to concerns over well-being.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe revealing horse chestnuts just doesn't appeal to you. In which case, perhaps you would be better suited to some other popular gen Z trends.

Is that so? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called yarn work, and something else called pottery that I can explain to you.

Those hobbies are ancient! Let me guess, you heat tools in apple drink and then use them to jab one another?

Certainly not! OK, calm down. I thought all old-people traditions involved violence in some form, after that horse chestnut game.

I feel stressed. Relax for a moment. If you need me, I’ll be opening plant seeds online.

Do say: “TikTok can’t stop filming conker reveals.”

Don’t say: “That's crazy.”